250813;

I am blogging, now is 1:45 am.

Basically, I can't sleep.

I don't know how do human works, it is weird.

How much you say you trust me and how I do things.

But whatever and how you reacted it doesn't seem like it.

Do you even know how much I am holding in my head.

How much I try to not keep things crashing.

Do you even know?

I am a human, I am a teen. I am an independent person.

I am not him, I know what I want.

I hate control, is it because you can't control him and I can be instead?

I am so tired, stop thinking you are right.

Stop being stubborn, Stop all the bullshit.

I am tired, mentally physically everything.

My mind hurt, My leg hurt, My chest hurt.

Do you even know?

I am really very tired. Keep my mouth shut to stop things falling

Yet it seem like a wrong choice.

When I met Nic, and we talk and he gave me comforting words like he will be there,

I really can't help but cry.

I cried to kengboon house, I cried walking.

All the thoughts just came rushing, it was right to say or not.

Saying, cause the family to flip and crash, I hate it.

Not saying, if anything were to happen, I am the one getting it.

How. he might even be in jail.

Tell me how to stop it, tell me what to do.

I don't know how to love such a person, I know that.

I don't know how long can I hold.

With one who is so mind killing, so i don't know how to say.

and you, always saying you trust me and that and..

I always don't feel it.

I know how much you do for me, I know.

But it doesn't mean I should be tied down.

You know how I am like,

I am someone who fly free, but you choose to tie me.

You say you can't let me go, because I will run far away.

That's me, how can you tie.

I want to go overseas to study to travel is to get away from you.

To be me, to learn something new for me.

I don't understand what are you thinking.

Dangerous? If none then why will I want to do it.

I am very tired, very sick, very very both mentally and physically.

I cried here and there, and everything is just for this.

I am lucky to have friends who allow me to rant.

I am lucky to have music, Kpop.

but still, I am tired.

Very tired.